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Thumbnail sketch on what is Emotional Labor for those who are still struggling with it:
Emotional Labor is when you perform emotions as a form of labor, usually to manage other people's emotions.
Originally, it meant "labor" in the capitalistic sense, meaning you perform emotions as part of your actual job. So, like, customer service reps perform "happiness" in order to manage the emotions of their customers, i.e. keep the customers happy. It has been stretched to include the unpaid labor found in interpersonal relationships, which would include things like performing happiness or performing calmness in order to keep your romantic partner or kids happy or calm or satisfied or whatever.
I feel that this stretch is within the bounds of "reasonable evolution of language", where certain terms are coined to address a very particular concept so we need those terms to be limited to that concept in order to discuss them. But over time the term grows to cover adjacent or related concepts. Sometimes that stretch is reasonable, and sometimes the stretch results in the term becoming so widely applicable and so widely used that it effectively renders the term "useless" for addressing any particular issue.
The further stretching of the term "emotional labor" to include basically any job duty or function typically performed by women in interpersonal relationship, jobs, or social settings, especially if she is not happy doing it, is, I believe, an *unreasonable* evolution of that term.
Because then the term is stretched so widely that nobody really knows what we're talking about anymore and the original problem of requiring mostly women to perform emotional states in order to manage other people's emotional states is still a problem that we need to address but now we can't talk about it because the waters are muddied with all this other extraneous stuff.
So, Emotional Labor is when people have to perform or express emotions that they may or may not be feeling as a form of labor, either as part of their paid jobs or as part of their roles in interpersonal relationships, and is disproportionately assigned to those jobs and roles overwhelmingly held by women.
If we want to talk about also being expected to do the domestic chores, or do the managerial duties, or do the Relationship Maintenance, which are all topics that need addressing both on a personal level within our relationships and a cultural level as it pertains to systemic power imbalances, I recommend removing these topics out from under the umbrella of the "emotional labor" phrase and instead try calling them "domestic labor", "managerial labor", and Relationship Maintenance, respectively.
And I'm sure other similar terms could be found that would adequately convey the concepts, as well as I'm sure there are other adjacent concepts that would benefit from being named and discussed.
Are you expressing emotions authentically? Are you repressing emotions because of your own personal beliefs on the appropriateness of the time / place / situation? Then you are probably not doing Emotional Labor right now.
Are you doing all the physical labor keeping the household running and feeling resentful about it? Feeling anxious about it? Feeling angry about it? You're probably not doing Emotional Labor right now, whether you are expressing emotions or not.
Are you behaving in a way that implies that you are feeling an emotion that you do not feel? Are you behaving in a way that implies you are NOT feeling an emotion that you do feel? And are you doing so for someone else's benefit, to make, encourage, or support them in feeling a particular way? And is it part of your duties in a role you are in? Then you are probably doing Emotional Labor.
Emotional Labor, as a concept, is not necessarily always a bad thing. It's kind of the definition of acting, as a profession. It's part of what caregivers do, and therapists, and bartenders, and funeral directors, and sex workers, and people who go into other empathetic professions where compassion for their clients / customers is part of the job.
And when someone in a romantic or familial relationship is having an emotional meltdown, it's really freaking helpful to have someone else nearby remain the grownup and help either keep things together or pick up the pieces. Often we can afford for only one of us to fall apart at a time.
The big problem with Emotional Labor, and the reason why the term was coined, is that this particular duty falls disproportionately onto women, and in roles where managing other people's emotions is not a necessary function of the role they agreed to play.
As your secretary, I agreed to answer phones and type dictation, not pretend to be cheerful while you overwork me just to keep you happy with me so that I don't lose my job. If I'm having issues at home, I should be able to grump about while filing, so long as the filing actually gets done and I'm not taking out my grumping on my coworkers. Being "happy" for 9 hours a day is not actually necessary to successfully performing the job of a secretary. Being *polite* might be, but not being *happy*.
So - performing or expressing emotions as part of one's duties in a role, usually to manage another person's emotions - that's Emotional Labor.
Emotional Labor is when you perform emotions as a form of labor, usually to manage other people's emotions.
Originally, it meant "labor" in the capitalistic sense, meaning you perform emotions as part of your actual job. So, like, customer service reps perform "happiness" in order to manage the emotions of their customers, i.e. keep the customers happy. It has been stretched to include the unpaid labor found in interpersonal relationships, which would include things like performing happiness or performing calmness in order to keep your romantic partner or kids happy or calm or satisfied or whatever.
I feel that this stretch is within the bounds of "reasonable evolution of language", where certain terms are coined to address a very particular concept so we need those terms to be limited to that concept in order to discuss them. But over time the term grows to cover adjacent or related concepts. Sometimes that stretch is reasonable, and sometimes the stretch results in the term becoming so widely applicable and so widely used that it effectively renders the term "useless" for addressing any particular issue.
The further stretching of the term "emotional labor" to include basically any job duty or function typically performed by women in interpersonal relationship, jobs, or social settings, especially if she is not happy doing it, is, I believe, an *unreasonable* evolution of that term.
Because then the term is stretched so widely that nobody really knows what we're talking about anymore and the original problem of requiring mostly women to perform emotional states in order to manage other people's emotional states is still a problem that we need to address but now we can't talk about it because the waters are muddied with all this other extraneous stuff.
So, Emotional Labor is when people have to perform or express emotions that they may or may not be feeling as a form of labor, either as part of their paid jobs or as part of their roles in interpersonal relationships, and is disproportionately assigned to those jobs and roles overwhelmingly held by women.
If we want to talk about also being expected to do the domestic chores, or do the managerial duties, or do the Relationship Maintenance, which are all topics that need addressing both on a personal level within our relationships and a cultural level as it pertains to systemic power imbalances, I recommend removing these topics out from under the umbrella of the "emotional labor" phrase and instead try calling them "domestic labor", "managerial labor", and Relationship Maintenance, respectively.
And I'm sure other similar terms could be found that would adequately convey the concepts, as well as I'm sure there are other adjacent concepts that would benefit from being named and discussed.
Are you expressing emotions authentically? Are you repressing emotions because of your own personal beliefs on the appropriateness of the time / place / situation? Then you are probably not doing Emotional Labor right now.
Are you doing all the physical labor keeping the household running and feeling resentful about it? Feeling anxious about it? Feeling angry about it? You're probably not doing Emotional Labor right now, whether you are expressing emotions or not.
Are you behaving in a way that implies that you are feeling an emotion that you do not feel? Are you behaving in a way that implies you are NOT feeling an emotion that you do feel? And are you doing so for someone else's benefit, to make, encourage, or support them in feeling a particular way? And is it part of your duties in a role you are in? Then you are probably doing Emotional Labor.
Emotional Labor, as a concept, is not necessarily always a bad thing. It's kind of the definition of acting, as a profession. It's part of what caregivers do, and therapists, and bartenders, and funeral directors, and sex workers, and people who go into other empathetic professions where compassion for their clients / customers is part of the job.
And when someone in a romantic or familial relationship is having an emotional meltdown, it's really freaking helpful to have someone else nearby remain the grownup and help either keep things together or pick up the pieces. Often we can afford for only one of us to fall apart at a time.
The big problem with Emotional Labor, and the reason why the term was coined, is that this particular duty falls disproportionately onto women, and in roles where managing other people's emotions is not a necessary function of the role they agreed to play.
As your secretary, I agreed to answer phones and type dictation, not pretend to be cheerful while you overwork me just to keep you happy with me so that I don't lose my job. If I'm having issues at home, I should be able to grump about while filing, so long as the filing actually gets done and I'm not taking out my grumping on my coworkers. Being "happy" for 9 hours a day is not actually necessary to successfully performing the job of a secretary. Being *polite* might be, but not being *happy*.
So - performing or expressing emotions as part of one's duties in a role, usually to manage another person's emotions - that's Emotional Labor.
