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This is an email I received as a response to my poly presentation the other day. I neglected to clearly post my email address for the audience members to contact me afterwards, but I did list my website at the top of the Resources page on the Handout I provided. This individual visited my website and contacted me through the Contact Form on my website:
All personal information removed or changed to protect identity:
This is why I do it. To educate, to help. This is why I am out. This is why I risk public ridicule and lay my life out for public scrutiny. My willingness to talk, to educate, to be open with strangers about who I am and what I do allowed this person to perhaps heal a past hurt and grow a little. And to, just maybe, show someone that they are not alone, that there are more of us out here.
This person was able to put aside prejudice and learn to judge us on an individual basis ... and that judgement has found us to be not a threat, not harmful, and to help this person allow us to share the planet, the nation, our town. This, ultimately, helps all the others who are not "out", and everyone who is not poly, but living around us. This is why I feel so strongly about people outside of the "mainstream" being as out as they can; why I feel we have an obligation as someone who is not under threat of lawsuits, custody cases, or job loss to help those who do.
This is what it's all about. I am not interested in converting. If this person ultimately decides to remain monogamous, at least this person will have made a conscious choice, will enter into relationships with informed consent about all the options, and will choose a relationship style that will fit this person best, not try to fit into the dominant paradigm even if it's a little too tight, like the wrong-size shoes. And, regardless of what decision this person ultimately makes, now knows who we are and that we can live and work together, side by side.
I am interested in helping everyone in our society learn to live together. To re-examine where our prejudices come from. To learn to evaluate people on an individual basis. To form our judgements based on individual actions of the person we are judging. To allow the people around us to choose the life that makes them happiest, even if it's not the choice we would make. To not be afraid of personal growth, of learning new things about ourselves. To continue learning and growing, to explore and experiment, to *know* ourselves. To have choice in how our lives look.
Yes, dear reader, my goal was to educate even one person. I thank you for the opportunity.
All personal information removed or changed to protect identity:
To mi'lady Inn Keeper, I was present at the Campus Freethought Alliance at UCF meeting on 05 November 2008. I would first like to thank you very much for taking the time to come out and speak to us. I will say that I learned a lot from your presentation, from confronting my own biases about the poly community (which I will get into), to perhaps opening my eyes to myself. If you do not mind the long message, I would like to somewhat borrow five or ten minutes of your day.
I have been unsuccessful with relationships in the past. One of them, in particular, is what somewhat made me jaded towards the poly community; two years ago, my partner at the time was poly and had not told me and had confirmed that we were monogamous. However, it came to light six months into the relationship that I had been a metamour without even knowing. Upon confronting him with this, he decided to come clean; however, he had cheated and I was somewhat broken inside; this made me resent the poly community. I went to your presentation to gain a perspective, one that I needed in order to reconcile the resentment that I had.
The information that you presented, both in the slideshow, the links you provided, and the interviews I found after googling your name (call me a nerd, but I like to learn) really opened my eyes to the entire community. I realised that I was, to an extent, stereotyping the entire community based on my experiences with this individual.So, perhaps it is foolish, but I would like to apologise coming into your presentation with the expectation of learning the justifications one uses to be a swinger.
I took extensive notes during the presentation (again: call me a nerd), ranging from graphs and diagrams of poly-schematic relationships, to other definitions (pl.spouse==>spice), and even mathematical equations that, when showed to my roommate, proved to be one that he uses in engineering.
I came away from your presentation not with a sense of resentment, but understanding. The pictures and stories you shared did not seem to be like what other groups have. Unlike some other alternative communities, which can often be full of cold, bitter people, it appears to me as if the poly community is full of more warmth, caring, and understanding (if that makes sense). So, while other people may have come away with a sense of boredom or "I already knew that", if your mission was to change the mind of one person, or to enlighten one person, you have succeeded on that mission.
I am now fervently doing research on the community on my own, and even considering if I identify as being poly (based on concepts both before and after your presentation). At the very least, you have a new supporter and friend in myself.Yet again, thank you very much for taking the time (and, in some cases, answering somewhat silly questions) from the group. I appreciate it.
I have been unsuccessful with relationships in the past. One of them, in particular, is what somewhat made me jaded towards the poly community; two years ago, my partner at the time was poly and had not told me and had confirmed that we were monogamous. However, it came to light six months into the relationship that I had been a metamour without even knowing. Upon confronting him with this, he decided to come clean; however, he had cheated and I was somewhat broken inside; this made me resent the poly community. I went to your presentation to gain a perspective, one that I needed in order to reconcile the resentment that I had.
The information that you presented, both in the slideshow, the links you provided, and the interviews I found after googling your name (call me a nerd, but I like to learn) really opened my eyes to the entire community. I realised that I was, to an extent, stereotyping the entire community based on my experiences with this individual.So, perhaps it is foolish, but I would like to apologise coming into your presentation with the expectation of learning the justifications one uses to be a swinger.
I took extensive notes during the presentation (again: call me a nerd), ranging from graphs and diagrams of poly-schematic relationships, to other definitions (pl.spouse==>spice), and even mathematical equations that, when showed to my roommate, proved to be one that he uses in engineering.
I came away from your presentation not with a sense of resentment, but understanding. The pictures and stories you shared did not seem to be like what other groups have. Unlike some other alternative communities, which can often be full of cold, bitter people, it appears to me as if the poly community is full of more warmth, caring, and understanding (if that makes sense). So, while other people may have come away with a sense of boredom or "I already knew that", if your mission was to change the mind of one person, or to enlighten one person, you have succeeded on that mission.
I am now fervently doing research on the community on my own, and even considering if I identify as being poly (based on concepts both before and after your presentation). At the very least, you have a new supporter and friend in myself.Yet again, thank you very much for taking the time (and, in some cases, answering somewhat silly questions) from the group. I appreciate it.
This is why I do it. To educate, to help. This is why I am out. This is why I risk public ridicule and lay my life out for public scrutiny. My willingness to talk, to educate, to be open with strangers about who I am and what I do allowed this person to perhaps heal a past hurt and grow a little. And to, just maybe, show someone that they are not alone, that there are more of us out here.
This person was able to put aside prejudice and learn to judge us on an individual basis ... and that judgement has found us to be not a threat, not harmful, and to help this person allow us to share the planet, the nation, our town. This, ultimately, helps all the others who are not "out", and everyone who is not poly, but living around us. This is why I feel so strongly about people outside of the "mainstream" being as out as they can; why I feel we have an obligation as someone who is not under threat of lawsuits, custody cases, or job loss to help those who do.
This is what it's all about. I am not interested in converting. If this person ultimately decides to remain monogamous, at least this person will have made a conscious choice, will enter into relationships with informed consent about all the options, and will choose a relationship style that will fit this person best, not try to fit into the dominant paradigm even if it's a little too tight, like the wrong-size shoes. And, regardless of what decision this person ultimately makes, now knows who we are and that we can live and work together, side by side.
I am interested in helping everyone in our society learn to live together. To re-examine where our prejudices come from. To learn to evaluate people on an individual basis. To form our judgements based on individual actions of the person we are judging. To allow the people around us to choose the life that makes them happiest, even if it's not the choice we would make. To not be afraid of personal growth, of learning new things about ourselves. To continue learning and growing, to explore and experiment, to *know* ourselves. To have choice in how our lives look.
Yes, dear reader, my goal was to educate even one person. I thank you for the opportunity.
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Date: 11/8/08 04:18 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 11/8/08 04:33 am (UTC)From: