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Me: I have this song that I've been totally obsessing over lately [plays song for someone].
Him: The dude in the song is kind of an asshole.
Wrong Answer: No he's not! You have to understand the culture he comes from! It's very machismo and he's expressing his strength and virility and the women find it attractive! That's the culture and time he comes from! That's how he's *supposed* to sound in order to find partners!
Correct Answer: Yeah, he really is. But the hook is just really working for me, so I've been listening to a lot it lately.
Me: I totally love this song! The juxtaposition between the lyrics and the mood of the melody is hilarious! [plays ridiculously bouncy song about "violent" sex]
Them: Uh, that song is triggering for people who have had violent experiences.
Wrong Answer: No it's not! You're just overly sensitive! It's totally meant ironically when sung today. And anyway, in the era in which it was written, it was considered a sign of one's passion to be stricken with strong feelings for someone! You just need to listen to it in the appropriate context!
Correct Answer: Yep, I can see that. I interpret it differently because of my long history with kink, so I will only play it for people who have a similar interpretation and background and who can appreciate irony and also dissonance in lyrics vs. melody.
Me: This is one of my favorite pornos [plays classic porn from the '70s].
Him: Wow, she has absolutely no concept of boundaries, does she?
Wrong Answer: That's not true! You just have to look at it this way! She's a woman, so it's totally OK to cross those kinds of lines! Especially in the era in which it was made! Men prefer that!
Correct Answer: Yeah, she does. The story line was written for a particular sort of interest, so a person can really only enjoy it if that kind of boundary pushing is your thing, or if you can enjoy things in fictional porn that you wouldn't necessarily want in real life. I like the freedom she has in this story, and that's what does it for me. But her behaviour would be totally unacceptable in real life.
Me: I listen to country music.
Them: I hate country! It's so misogynistic!
Wrong Answer: No it's not! It's respectful and chivalrous and men and women are just different so they behave differently! It's just a party song, don't get so worked up over it! It doesn't mean anything! He has a wife, so obviously he can't be *that* misogynistic!
Correct Answer: Yes, a lot of it is, and a lot of all kinds of music has misogynistic themes because the music is written from within a misogynistic culture. There are some songs that I can't listen to either, even though I'm able to like the sound of other songs while ignoring the lyrics.
Since you're aware of and bothered by misogyny, you might be interested to know that singling out country music specifically, or rap music specifically, as being misogynistic is a consequence of classism, and I can go into the why of that if you'd like to have that discussion.
If the sound of the genre doesn't bother you but you can't ignore the lyrics in order to like the sound of a song, I also have an entire library of music that is less misogynistic or not at all, if you're interested.
Him: The dude in the song is kind of an asshole.
Wrong Answer: No he's not! You have to understand the culture he comes from! It's very machismo and he's expressing his strength and virility and the women find it attractive! That's the culture and time he comes from! That's how he's *supposed* to sound in order to find partners!
Correct Answer: Yeah, he really is. But the hook is just really working for me, so I've been listening to a lot it lately.
Me: I totally love this song! The juxtaposition between the lyrics and the mood of the melody is hilarious! [plays ridiculously bouncy song about "violent" sex]
Them: Uh, that song is triggering for people who have had violent experiences.
Wrong Answer: No it's not! You're just overly sensitive! It's totally meant ironically when sung today. And anyway, in the era in which it was written, it was considered a sign of one's passion to be stricken with strong feelings for someone! You just need to listen to it in the appropriate context!
Correct Answer: Yep, I can see that. I interpret it differently because of my long history with kink, so I will only play it for people who have a similar interpretation and background and who can appreciate irony and also dissonance in lyrics vs. melody.
Me: This is one of my favorite pornos [plays classic porn from the '70s].
Him: Wow, she has absolutely no concept of boundaries, does she?
Wrong Answer: That's not true! You just have to look at it this way! She's a woman, so it's totally OK to cross those kinds of lines! Especially in the era in which it was made! Men prefer that!
Correct Answer: Yeah, she does. The story line was written for a particular sort of interest, so a person can really only enjoy it if that kind of boundary pushing is your thing, or if you can enjoy things in fictional porn that you wouldn't necessarily want in real life. I like the freedom she has in this story, and that's what does it for me. But her behaviour would be totally unacceptable in real life.
Me: I listen to country music.
Them: I hate country! It's so misogynistic!
Wrong Answer: No it's not! It's respectful and chivalrous and men and women are just different so they behave differently! It's just a party song, don't get so worked up over it! It doesn't mean anything! He has a wife, so obviously he can't be *that* misogynistic!
Correct Answer: Yes, a lot of it is, and a lot of all kinds of music has misogynistic themes because the music is written from within a misogynistic culture. There are some songs that I can't listen to either, even though I'm able to like the sound of other songs while ignoring the lyrics.
Since you're aware of and bothered by misogyny, you might be interested to know that singling out country music specifically, or rap music specifically, as being misogynistic is a consequence of classism, and I can go into the why of that if you'd like to have that discussion.
If the sound of the genre doesn't bother you but you can't ignore the lyrics in order to like the sound of a song, I also have an entire library of music that is less misogynistic or not at all, if you're interested.
#ItIsNotThatHard #ActualConversationsIHave #ItIsOKToLikeProblematicMediaJustBeAwareAndHonestAboutTheProblems
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Date: 5/8/20 05:36 pm (UTC)From:no subject
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