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In response to a question of how to have a threesome ethically and without unicorn hunting (because UHing is always unethical, but not all unethical behaviour is UHing):
Here's how I have threesomes -
Me: Hey, I think you're pretty hot and I'd like to have sex with you.
Me: Oh hey, you're pretty hot too and I'd like to have sex with you also.
Him 1: I think you're pretty hot too and I'd like to have sex with you.
Him 2: Yeah, ditto.
Him 1: BTW, I like group sex.
Me: No way! Me too!
Him 2: So do I!
Him 1: I like your other partner enough to have group sex where he's included.
Him 2: I like your other partner enough to have group sex where he's included.
Me: Well, that's convenient, since I like the both of you. So if we're all interested in group sex together, I'd like to have group sex sometime.
Him 1: [while spending time with me and Him 2 socially, starts kissing me]
Him 2: [while Him 1 is kissing me, comes up behind me to kiss my neck]
Step 2: ...
Step 3: Group sex happens.
Here's NOT how I have threesomes:
Me: Honey, I have a fantasy of a threesome, but I also have unexamined insecurities about our relationship and assumptions of possession regarding your body and also feelings of entitlement to your autonomy.
Them: Oh, that's convenient, because I have a deep fear of being alone and societal programming that requires me to submit to your fantasies and to subsume my identity into our relationship. Plus, I'm interested in sex with my own gender and this may be the only way I can explore that while simultaneously keeping the relationship I'm terrified of losing and also all the privileges that come with having a socially acceptable hetero relationship.
Me: Great! Let's create a list of traits that we want in the person we are hiring to fulfill both of our fantasies, only we won't pay her of course because sex work is gross. Her needs aren't really that important, since the goal here is to fulfill our fantasies while keeping our relationship intact. So, starting tomorrow, after we've come up with our list of qualifications, we'll start interviewing someone to have sex with us.
Here's how I have threesomes -
Me: Hey, I think you're pretty hot and I'd like to have sex with you.
Me: Oh hey, you're pretty hot too and I'd like to have sex with you also.
Him 1: I think you're pretty hot too and I'd like to have sex with you.
Him 2: Yeah, ditto.
Him 1: BTW, I like group sex.
Me: No way! Me too!
Him 2: So do I!
Him 1: I like your other partner enough to have group sex where he's included.
Him 2: I like your other partner enough to have group sex where he's included.
Me: Well, that's convenient, since I like the both of you. So if we're all interested in group sex together, I'd like to have group sex sometime.
Him 1: [while spending time with me and Him 2 socially, starts kissing me]
Him 2: [while Him 1 is kissing me, comes up behind me to kiss my neck]
Step 2: ...
Step 3: Group sex happens.
Here's NOT how I have threesomes:
Me: Honey, I have a fantasy of a threesome, but I also have unexamined insecurities about our relationship and assumptions of possession regarding your body and also feelings of entitlement to your autonomy.
Them: Oh, that's convenient, because I have a deep fear of being alone and societal programming that requires me to submit to your fantasies and to subsume my identity into our relationship. Plus, I'm interested in sex with my own gender and this may be the only way I can explore that while simultaneously keeping the relationship I'm terrified of losing and also all the privileges that come with having a socially acceptable hetero relationship.
Me: Great! Let's create a list of traits that we want in the person we are hiring to fulfill both of our fantasies, only we won't pay her of course because sex work is gross. Her needs aren't really that important, since the goal here is to fulfill our fantasies while keeping our relationship intact. So, starting tomorrow, after we've come up with our list of qualifications, we'll start interviewing someone to have sex with us.
